


In love with a star-boy!

by Technomancer28



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: rs_games, M/M, Muggle AU, Slight hint of bondage, Sweetshop AU, canonical death, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 16:09:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6617275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Technomancer28/pseuds/Technomancer28
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius B is a curious star when the human world is involved. Its interference in Sirius and Remus’ lives leads to a chance meeting and a whole lot of drama that even the star did not foresee.<br/>Fic written for the RSgames 2015</p>
            </blockquote>





	In love with a star-boy!

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic I wrote for the rsgames 2015. It's a strange piece of work,honestly,somewhat inspired by lots of stuff I'd watched at the time and my crazy imagination. :) I’ve taken lots of liberties with the fantasy theme, like a lot! I used an online calculator and it seems that ‘The Capella star’ is just one of the possible star under which Remus may have been born. A boatload of thanks to my beta LuminousGloom on livejournal for not just the wonderful SpaG check and Britpicking but also for cheering me on! You’re the best!!

Lone-li-ness. A three syllable word that nudges at his chest, seeps into his skin, fills him up from the pit of his stomach before it overflows and he chokes on it. It is a horrible feeling that pushes his head back against the ground and shrouds him with promises of more misery. The dusty clearing he is in is a small haven, little ways from his uncle’s house.

_Alphard._

Sirius closes his eyes and relaxes the fist his right hand has made. It hasn’t always been like this. At one time he had a brother who had been alive and breathing, an uncle who had shown him that it was alright put himself first, parents who had been proud of him as he was and didn’t force their unfulfilled expectations of a dead son on him. It seems like that was a long, long time ago.

The lump in his throat hurts as he swallows around the dreadful feeling of abandonment and sheer _sadness_ that Alphard’s death has caused. He _can’t cry_ , doesn’t know how to go back to being his usual self if he lets his tears fall with the sound of his anguish for the world to hear; it’s all he has ever known. But in this clearing, this open place that has been his and his alone whenever he lived with Alphard, where the city’s lights don’t reach and the sky is vast with glittering stars, Sirius tries hard to be honest to himself, but finds himself staving off the cries threatening to tear from his lips. He looks up at a blurred night sky to see a lone star falling.

_“Wish upon that star, you two. Come on, now.”_ Alphard used to tell him and Regulus when they were too young to know sadness, both of their hands held in his warm ones. If he prays hard enough will it bring back his uncle? Will it stop him from being so _alone_?

If things like that happened, eighty percent of the world’s inhabitants would probably be on cloud nine throughout the year. Even as Sirius finds himself smiling sardonically, his chest clenches as the star plunges into darkness and he ends up wishing, trying not to hope, that someone needs him tonight.

It’s the soft gasp and the scent of all _male_ from above Sirius that makes him open his eyes groggily—he must have fallen asleep—to a face looming over him. Sirius blinks rapidly as he stares at the shadowed face above his. What in the world? Had this person just appeared out of nowhere? If he happens to be some punk looking to mug him, he is in for some serious disappointment; he doesn’t have anything at all anymore.

“What?” Sirius asks wearily when he has had enough of the young boy staring at him, wide-eyed and silent. He has the strangest eyes, hues of purples within the brown iris with an otherworldly shine. It must be some kind of lens, Sirius thinks vaguely even as he comes to the conclusion that he is either dreaming or this person must be a figment of his imagination. He really hopes it isn’t the latter.

“Why are you crying?” Sirius almost doesn’t hear it, the question asked so softly that it would have been lost had they not been so close.

“What?” Sirius asks in confusion and his eyes widen when the boy touches his fingertips to his cheek. Skin. Touch. The contact is cold and slightly clammy but it is the first human touch he has had in days, and Sirius involuntarily raises his chin as the boy pulls his hand back and turns it to show the wetness glistening on his fingertips. No way…

“I—I’m—huh,” Sirius manages in surprise and averts his face to the side. He needs to wake up fast or it will be so very difficult to face the lonely reality waiting for him.

“Is something wrong?” The boy asks and Sirius swallows at the concern in the voice; as if the boy cares. If Sirius could put everything that is ‘wrong’ into words they would fill pages and pages so he just comes out with the one weighing most heavily upon him at present.

“…alone. I’m just so damn lonely. It’s too hard,” he whispers harshly and bites the inside of his cheeks. It’s kind of like how he talks to himself on dark nights when the going gets tough and it has always helped Sirius cope, it should do the trick now. What he doesn’t expect is the boy’s answering touch on his hand that is resting on his chest.

“Then—” he lowers his gaze before looking straight into Sirius' eyes, searching as if he wants to know everything going on in Sirius' head and he is surprised to see the purple glow from seconds before gone, “—can I stay with you?”

_Can I stay with you?_ This boy is asking if he can stay with Sirius, as if he needs Sirius?

If he prays and wishes upon a star hard enough, can he make this person real?

“Yes,” Sirius answers as he brings up his free hand to rest it on the boy’s cold hand on his chest.

_Please._ If this is real…

The boy’s face breaks into the brightest smile Sirius has seen in a while. The strange glow is back.

…let it last.

“Okay. Take me home with you, Sirius.”

*

On other days, mornings meant the start of school, the anticipation of new pranks to be played on people, rolling eyes at Peter’s efforts during class and a multitude of things that Sirius actually enjoys. A week ago, mornings would have begun with Alphard’s affectionate admonishments and Sirius pretending to sleep in just for the fun of it.

It takes a few seconds for Sirius to realise that he is still in his room in Alphard’s flat and risen early out of habit yet again. Really, Alphard should have been his dad; he would have grown up to be a real good boy. The thought of his uncle—not waiting for him at the breakfast table, reading the day’s newspaper, with the last page laid on the sofa so Sirius could solve the crossword puzzle after breakfast—has him tug the spare pillow onto his face, to block out the sunlight peeking through the gaps between the curtains.

The smell of cooking sends Sirius sitting up alertly. What in the world—

A knock sounds at Sirius' door. When it opens, he grabs the lamp from the bed-side table and hurls it with as much force as he can. The mop of brown that has come into view belongs to a face that he actually recognizes. The boy’s eyes widen comically and he lets out a shocked sound just before the lamp hits him.

So it hadn’t been a dream, after all?

“Shit!” Sirius curses as his legs get tangled within his sheets. “Shit!” he repeats for emphasis and manages to free himself before rushing towards the boy who is now sitting on the threshold of his room, covering his face with a pained moan.

“I thought it was a burglar!” Sirius exclaims as he kneels before the boy, unsure what to do, as the boy doesn’t remove his hands from his face. “Oi! Are you all right? Let me look at that for you.” It’s the least he can do, but the boy pushes away Sirius' hand to reveal a heavily bleeding nose.

“I’b all right. Dob’t borry about it,” he somehow manages, in that same soft voice Sirius remembers from last night’s dream…right.

“You’re an idiot,” Sirius replies as he frowns at the guy’s complacent attitude. His frown deepens when the boy smiles and he is surprised to see that he really does have those strange coloured eyes. That can wait.

“I’ll get the first aid box, you just wait here.” When he returns the boy is still sitting on the floor with a confused expression.

“I thought it was supposed to hurt when this happens,” he says and Sirius is just as perplexed himself; this boy seems slightly, a little bit crazy. He leans closer to the boy’s face and pinches the bridge of the pale nose which results in a high-pitched exclamation from the stranger.

“Now it hurts, right? What are you still doing here?” Before the boy can say anything stupid, Sirius sighs heavily. “Don’t talk. Just sit down—” he points to his rumpled bed, “and don’t move.” He is relieved when the boy follows his simple command with a smile. Sirius proceeds to clean up the bloody mess. A shard from the lamp has managed to cut across the boy’s right cheekbone. When he is done with a carefully placed Band-Aid he sits back on his heels and takes a good look at the ruffled brown hair, down to the strangely glowing eyes, the thin white shirt over a seemingly thin torso and it hits him.

“I can’t believe you’re really here,” Sirius says in a state of disbelief. “Shit! Did I really say all that stuff last night?” _Please, say no._ But as Sirius' terrible luck would have it, the boy grins.

“Of course,” he replies. Sirius wants to hide somewhere deep underground; no seventeen-year old confesses to things like that. “I don’t mind though; he’s been pretty lonely too.” That gets Sirius' attention.

“He?” Sirius asks and the boy hums as he points towards himself.

“Remus. That’s his name.” 

Sirius waits for more but when there is nothing else he raises an eyebrow. “Huh? _Your_ name’s Remus?” he asks for confirmation, not that he needs it; Sirius may be alone but he has no intention of befriending someone who seems to be in desperate need of a psychiatrist. The boy—Remus— is shaking his head.

“I don’t have a name, Sirius.” He looks at Sirius gently before continuing, “I’m here because you needed me. Remus is just something of a medium, I guess.”

Crazy, this guy is absolute bonkers.

“Medium, huh?” Sirius asks trying to sound curious as he stands up to escape and maybe phone for an ambulance or the police or just someone normal. “You into all that psychic stuff?”

“No. I meant a different kind of medium, Sirius. I’ll try to make this simple, ok—” Sirius' gaze snaps towards him.

“How do you know my name?” Sirius asks, hint of fear creeping through his voice. It doesn’t go unnoticed as the boy raises his hands in a surrendering motion. “Who the hell are you?”

“I told you, I don’t have an actual name. I’m a star,” the boy replies, sounding annoyed, and then exhales heavily as he eyes Sirius warily. “This might be a bit much for you to take in, but trust me when I say this. Remember that star you wished upon yesterday?—well, not technically a ‘star’, that’s just something you humans—”

“Get out!” Sirius finds himself saying with barely controlled rage. When the Remus boy tries to continue with his idiotic story Sirius grabs his arm in a painful grip.

“Sirius! You’re hurting me,” The boy finally cries out with a hint of panic in his voice and it grates on Sirius’ already frayed nerves, pushes him to a point to which he has been well on his way since his uncle’s death, or maybe even before that.

“Shut up!” he bites out, “seriously, stop talking. I can see that you’re kidding around but it’s _not_ funny.”

“Sirius, I’m not—”

“Don’t say my name!” Sirius shouts and brings up his free hand to ram a fist or take a strike at that naïve-looking face, but before he can decide which the boy suddenly stiffens then goes limp and staggers into Sirius. Unthinking, Sirius holds him up by the shoulders and shakes the boy to consciousness. Remus groans as if in pain and blinks at Sirius' chest. He raises his shaking hands to place them against Sirius' side, which does strange things to Sirius' insides.

“What’s going on?” Remus looks up at Sirius and from this angle he looks down to see that the boy’s eyes are not the same anymore. “You’re S-Sirius, right?” _Holy shit!_ Sirius pushes the boy away as he stares at the plain, honey-coloured eyes.

“Oh my god, I’m going crazy.” Sirius steps back and falls back to sit on his bed as the edge hits the back of his knees. How has it to this? Has Alphard’s death hit him that hard?

“I don’t think you are.” The reply comes from Remus and Sirius looks at him. “But something’s definitely going on. There are blanks in my memory.” Sirius drops his head into the cradle of his hands.

“Get out of my house, please.” Sirius finds that he cannot raise his voice to this wide-eyed version of Remus; somehow he looks fragile.

“I—” Remus looks at Sirius and then sighs in defeat, “—I’m sorry. We don’t even know each other and I’m already causing you trouble.” 

Sirius watches him straighten his shirt and closes his eyes, trying to breathe. The sound of footsteps fades as the other boy makes his way out of the room. Sirius decides to make sure that he leaves without pulling anything else on him; there’s only so much he can tolerate.

“You’re really going to throw out this poor boy, Sirius?” Tch. Not again. Sure enough, Sirius reaches the main door to see the return of the purple-glow-thingy-eyed Remus standing just outside the main gate.

“Yes,” Sirius bites out as he hurries to push the boy out and possibly slam the door on his stupid face. What a tosser.

“Not so different from your parents, after all. Go ahead then,” Remus says complacently, “he’s only had his heart broken, after all. Not that you care.” 

Sirius stills with a hand on the handle of the door. “What are you talking about?” Fuck! He really needs to tape his own mouth shut; half the trouble he gets into is because of this idiotic body part. Remus shrugs.

“Oh, the usual, love-life problems.” Remus pauses with a glint in his eyes. “His boyfriend decided to break things off to be with a woman—shit!” He looks irritated for a second before his expression changes to one of sorrow. “This is getting really annoying. I’ll leave now. Thanks a lot for letting me stay with you yesterday, Sirius.” It’s the honey-eyed Remus now and before Sirius can do anything, he says a polite good-bye and leaves with hasty steps. Sirius stares at the boy’s back in bewilderment before shutting the door mechanically and finds himself in the dining area where a plateful of breakfast sits on the table. A little surprised but thankful to Remus for being such a thoughtful guest even if his head isn’t right, he sits down to eat. 

The smell of egg causes his stomach to growl and wrinkle his nose in distaste; he hates sunny side up eggs.

Half an hour later Sirius finds himself lying down on one of the sofas, strangely exhausted, mind full of ‘Remus’ and a cigarette hanging from between his fingers to remove the taste of a perfectly round egg yolk.

*

It doesn’t have a form to speak of, just a body—something tangible—which has kept it going for millions of years.

“You’ve been disappearing a lot, B. What’s up with that?” Sirius A asks curiously.

“Don’t call me that,” B grumbles, “Make something up if you must. I can’t believe those humans couldn’t come up with better names.” A doesn’t mind it really; it’s easier than when they were both called Sirius.

“Is it to do with that boy?” A doesn’t have to say it; they’ve always watched over Sirius Black since he was a pink bundle of tears and gurgling laughter. “Must you be playing match-making again? After Romulus—”

“That was more than a thousand years ago,” B interrupts and A feels what humans would call a ‘pout’ forming. “Besides, it gets boring here sometimes.” 

A understands completely; the itch to travel almost goading. But A is patient enough to wait for another century or so and B has always been a bit too curious about the human world. “The Remus boy is troublesome; he seems to have an idea about me.” Ah, a rare occurrence, but it has happened to many of the others too.

“Is he? I’m quite sure he feels the same way about you.” It’s moments like these when A wishes they could laugh like humans. “Perhaps you should just let him be.”

“Eh? But that’s no fun.” B states and A can feel the mischief returning. “Okay then, I’ll be checking on him again.” With that the dwarf star disappears to find Remus Lupin exiting the lift.

Tch. Human life is _sooo_ slow.

*

Sirius wants to talk to his best friend and he would have if the idiot had given a contact number before leaving for a long, fun-filled vacation in Ireland. Then there is the fact James absolutely _refuses_ to check his mail on holidays. The lazy bum.

He can’t stop thinking about _Remus_. Of course he’d been pranking Sirius—obviously—but maybe he had just wanted company? Needed it like he himself had? He can’t stop the image of Remus, leaving, with that sorrowful expression on his face,from flashing behind his eyelids every time he closes his eyes. Damn it!

_Maybe I should go, look for him—_ No no no no. _No!!!! Absolutely not!_

So what if some boy had his heart broken? That doesn’t give him the right to come and make up unreal stories. But come to think of it, he had known things about Sirius…

But really, what was that bit about being a star and all? He lights up a cigarette, his third today already. Thankfully his thoughts are interrupted by a sudden loud burst of melody and Sirius actually bounds up from the sofa to answer the call from Peter.

“Hello.” Sirius smiles into his mobile phone as his friend pelts him with questions, sounding worried— _SIRIUS! How are you? Oh my god! Are you eating? I know you loved Alphard, we did too etc. etc._

“I’m handling myself just fine, Pete.” He really is glad to be hearing the familiar voice of somebody he actually likes. “Anyway, have you heard from James?” They talk until Peter curses and hurriedly whispers something about his date and Sirius bids him goodbye, feeling comparatively better than he did this morning. For a few minutes that is, until he sees the sun still high in the sky and tries to think of something to do with all this free time he has.

_First things first, Sirius. Get the hell off this couch._ He does, even if he’s slow and almost unwilling; if he thinks too much the start of the new school year seems much too far away. He manages to convince himself to summon the lift to his floor and feels his mood perk up once he actually puts his helmet on and kick starts his bike for a short ride.

*

Unreal. This is the worst.

“It must be fate, after all,” Sirius stands helplessly in front of the display case showcasing the desserts at _Sweetie Pie_ as Remus in all his mischief-filled glory grins at him from behind the counter wearing an apron with the shop’s monogram on his chest. “What are the odds that we’d meet so soon again?” That’s exactly what Sirius would like to know too; just what kind of luck is at work here? There are at least seven billion other people in the world and he has to encounter this mad boy?

“Just hand me my change, will you?” Sirius snaps out impatiently; he has always been temperamental, more so when faced with annoying characters like this _Remus_.

“No,” Remus replies and crosses his arms over his chest, “not unless you take me out for dinner, Sirius.” Eh? It hasn’t even been twenty four hours and Sirius is sure he is going to be stuck with a perma-surprised face, not a good look on him or anybody really.

“What the fuck?” Sirius exclaims and he can feel the two perky girls scowling at his general direction from beside him. “Stop fucking around with me, don’t piss me off.” Sirius isn’t actually immature, at least he tries not to be. Sometimes he just can’t help his foul mouthed attitude from showing up, more so when he is completely on his own.

“Language, Sirius,” Remus chastises him and turns to the girls with an innocent expression. “Look at his face, would I be kidding around about wanting to go out with him?” The girls laugh in surprise as they look at Sirius while Remus picks out the decorated cakes and completes their order. They wave at the brown-haired boy and leave. Sirius is once again reaching the end of his patience.

“Anger leads to high blood pressure, you know. I don’t want to have to take you to the hospital, Sirius, it really tends to take the fun out of a date.” Remus packs up Sirius' order and counts out the change.

“Stop calling me ‘Sirius’,” Sirius grumbles, trying to remain civil; the boy is finally finishing up his order. Remus looks at him in the middle of counting.

“That is your name, isn’t it? Or could it be that you want a nickname?”

“I don’t!” Sirius growls out in reply, “and stop wasting my time, can’t you go annoy someone else with those idiotic stories of yours?” The Remus boy’s face actually lights up at that.

“Aha! So you were paying attention to all that, were you?” He rubs his hands against his apron and takes it off. “Here, I’ll give it back to you once we have dinner. Honestly, this is one of the worst parts of being in the human world.” Really? Sirius decides to play along until he can get his hands on that change of seventeen pounds that has now found a home in Remus' pocket. It’s not that Sirius worries about money, the situation just demands that he take back that little bundle of paper and coins calling out to him from the other boy’s pocket.

“I would have thought the human world itself would be a nuisance to someone like you,” Sirius tells him as he picks up the bag and graciously motions for Remus to leave before him. “I’m right behind you.” Remus smiles at him in surprise.

“Now, that’s more like the charming Sirius I know.” He falls into step _beside_ Sirius and curls an arm around the elbow of his free hand. Ugh! “I meant the sensation of hunger. I don’t need to eat, you know. It’s just that Remus is practically starving and this kind of thing actually affects me while I’m inside a human.” There it is again.

“You really don’t know when to stop, do you?” Sirius asks almost resignedly and tries to shake off the hand. “Let go, will you? We’re in public.” The other boy chuckles at that.

“Since when do you care about what people think of you? You probably won’t ever see these people again, Sirius.” 

Sirius can feel his left eye twitching. “That’s what I thought about you and look where we are.”

“Cosmos,” Remus exclaims as he abruptly stops beneath the shape of a martini glass outlined with neon lights, causing Sirius to stumble. “It looks like a restaurant.” Remus presses his nose to the black window. Sirius pulls him away hurriedly just as a middle-aged man brushes past them to enter the bar. He pauses at the door and asks them to join him for a drink but Sirius is already tugging Remus away by his collar.

“What are you doing, Sirius?” Remus cries out in disbelief, “That man was being nice enough—”

“—to eat you up, I’m sure.” Sirius rolls his eyes as he releases Remus' shirt. “That’s not the kind of place we want to go to, idiot.” Remus looks indignant and slightly haughty.

“I’m not an idiot, don’t call your namesake an idiot,” Remus huffs and Sirius blinks.

“Namesake?”

“Why do you think I’m down here with you? I’m one of the Sirius stars, the one you uncreative humans named ‘Sirius B’.” He says all of this with such earnestness and excitement lighting his purple eyes that Sirius almost wants to believe him for a second.

_I’m talking to the real, actual Sirius. Imagine telling James about this._ Sirius laughs out loud but stops when the other just looks back at him, mouth in a tight line.

“You don’t believe me, do you?” The pained expression takes Sirius aback but the other is talking again. “It’s not like we asked for this—all these feelings and all—damn it! I don’t want to eat anymore.” The growl from his stomach belies his words and Sirius frowns.

“Okay, I hear you, I do. But Remus here needs to, so do you think you could just—” he waves his hand looking for the right word, “—leave his body for a while?” No sooner his words leave his mouth, the other boy stiffens and blinks as he focuses on Sirius. His human eyes send a chill up Sirius' spine; maybe this is a bad idea, even he knows that something is definitely going on here. Demons? They certainly make more sense than the Sirius B thing—

What the hell? Sirius tries not to panic as the other boy pats his own hair and looks at Sirius with a slight blush which an irrational part of him finds very attractive.

“D-do you—is Chinese alright with you?” Sirius manages to ask and the other boy nods. They walk in silence with Sirius leading, his back taut. Remus clears his throat.

“I’m not quite sure what’s happening to me, but thank you for putting up with it. Maybe I should go to a doctor.” 

Sirius agrees wholeheartedly, this is starting to look like a case of Multiple Personality Disorder as far as he can tell, even though what he knows of it is from documentaries. Apart from the eye changing phenomenon.

“It’s not like you can visit one now,” Sirius tells him and is relieved when they reach the designated restaurant. Once they have ordered there isn’t anything to actually talk about mainly because Remus insists on keeping his eyes downward at his lap and Sirius sneaks glances at him. He can’t stand the silence and licks his lips.

“So, you seem to know quite a bit about me,” he states as nonchalantly as possible and even smiles for assurance but it doesn’t seem to work, judging by Remus' expression. “How’d you do that? Stalk me?”

“Err—I—no. No, I haven’t. I hadn’t even met you until last night and I have no idea how I got there in the first place.” This Remus is really good with his expressions and all, Sirius is amazed actually; this guy’s lying skills can put his mother’s to shame.

“Haha, you know you can stop that, I don’t care all that much to be honest.” Sirius leans forward feeling strangely bold. “So why did you do it? You had a crush on me? Or maybe I looked like your ex, was that it?” He watches Remus gulp and the movement of his Adam’s apple.

“I’m telling you, it’s not like that.” Remus looks unsure but then takes a deep breath. “How did you know about my ex? Did I tell you that?”

“Yes,” Sirius answers simply. Remus drums his fingers on the table top after that, looking lost in serious thinking and Sirius looks at the boy. In all honesty, if the boy had been normal Sirius would have jumped into bed with him already; he is not pretty like Sirius, not all sharp-featured like James either but there’s a certain aura of fragility around him that Sirius is sure no manly man can ignore. He himself is very much a manly man.

“I’ve got it!” Remus suddenly says with a serious look in his eyes and he reaches out to lean forward on his seat. “I’m being possessed, you need to help exorcise the demon out of me.” Sirius wonders if the guy can read his mind.

“Me? Can’t you get a friend to help you out?” The big-eyed look Remus gives him has Sirius giving in before he even says _‘Fine, fine, I’ll do it.”_. 

He explains what Remus has been doing under the influence of the ‘demon’ and soon finds himself accompanying the brown-haired boy directing him to a Psychic shop run by a crazy, old lady who calls herself Madame Trelawney. 

It takes a lot of coaxing and charming the lady inside the foggy room, heavy with the fumes of incense, into performing an exorcism ritual - and only after they’ve been forced to have their fortunes told. For someone who kept refusing their request for over twenty minutes on the pretext that she _‘no longer takes part in connecting with the other realm’_ , the lady definitely looks far too enthusiastic as she instructs Sirius to tie Remus to the chair he is sitting on. 

Remus turns to smirk at Sirius. “This would be kind of kinky in any other situation.” 

Sirius has to double-check to make sure that it’s still the normal Remus but can’t help a small laugh at his words.

“Is that the kind of thing you’re into?” Honestly, how can someone be so complacent when they’re well aware of being possessed and are about to face an exorcism? Sirius has only seen this ritual performed once on Aunt Druella and it hadn’t been pretty. The heavy mist and the lady with her jingling jewellery waving her hand over an old looking tome forces him to be hyper-aware of everything. And scared, even if he doesn’t want to admit it.

“Don’t know.Maybe you could help me find out,” Remus suggests in a whisper and tilts his head towards Sirius' ears above as if sharing a secret. “You’re very pretty, you know.” 

Sirius definitely doesn’t blush and he is ready to give a piece of his mind to the boy but Trelawney hisses at him to be quiet.

*

“I can’t believe that didn’t work,” Remus doesn’t quite whine but he sounds annoyed all the same. Sirius doesn’t know what to feel; he is utterly exhausted.

“Maybe you can find something in that book of yours,” He refers to the thin book that is falling apart—a parting gift from Madame Trelawney. A bribe is more like it, Sirius thinks with a roll of his eyes; she just doesn’t want word of her inability to exorcise a poor, young boy suffering from demonic possession to get out.

“Yeah, I guess,” Remus seems to cheer up, “thanks a lot for hanging out today, I had a good time.”

“Liar,” Sirius says easily and hastens to continue when Remus looks struck, “I mean it wasn’t even you in there half the time and I’m not exactly at my best.” He feels strangely lost for words as Remus continues to look at him from the corner of his eyes as they keep walking towards Alphard’s residence. “I’m a lot more fun, usually.” He expects Remus to politely agree but definitely not his reply.

“Then we should definitely see each other again, I could use some of that _fun_ and you want some company, right?” Remus' expectant look makes him smile and he doesn’t really need to agree but it’s not like he has other things to do and—

“Ah, sorry, I did it again. I’ve been told that I’m very straightforward.” Someone should tell Remus that the forced lightness in his tone is really too obvious; Sirius is starting to realise that Remus may be an actual honest person.

“No, you’re right. Give me your number and we can plan something, yeah?” Remus tries hard to hide a smile as he exchanges numbers with Sirius. Sirius is tapping away at his phone when he feels warm fingers brush against his cheek and his gaze snaps towards the other boy.

“You’re very kind, Sirius. I’ve never met someone like you.” Sirius doesn’t know if he should thank Remus for the compliment—it was a compliment, right?—so he just finishes saving Remus' number.

“Hey, Sirius, take care of yourself.” Remus pats his shoulder lightly as they part ways. By the time Sirius' head hits his pillow, he vaguely realises that he hasn’t thought of Alphard for almost the entirety of the day. Strange, really, but not unwelcome.

*

If stars could cry then that’s what Sirius B would be doing right now. Things had been so much easier when they hadn’t picked up on things like feelings but years of exposing oneself to humans who _feel_ so much has had its effects. It’s not all bad, the trick is to leave before things get intense or they will all end up like Regulus, still morose over Regulus Black’s untimely death; it’s always hard when it concerns their namesake.

“So stupid, that Sirius. He doesn’t believe in us, does he? Doesn’t even care, the prat.” A reaches out to metaphorically comfort its partner.

“He’s only human. Come on now, it’s not like you to give up.”

“Don’t encourage the idiot.” Of course, their neighbours—who affectionately proclaim to be _Orion’s children_ —cannot keep to themselves.

“Stop with that word. You’re right, A.” But this only causes the others’ overlapping communication to turn into a garble.

“It’s not a good idea, getting so close to one human.” “Should you really be visiting that place so much?” “That boy obviously has no romantic bone in him, what a waste.” “Sirius B, you’re really too—”

“Enough! I’ve every right to help Sirius recover from his slump.” With that B ignores them and departs for Earth.

*

Sirius wakes up to an incessant ringing in his ears. It takes him three seconds to realise that it’s the doorbell. Whoever it is obviously doesn’t know what a cranky bastard he can be when woken up as early as—he looks at the clock—9:24 A.M during holidays. He pads out of bed and shouts at the door to let whoever is on the other side to know that he is _‘coming, damn it! Don’t break the bell!’_

“Are you stupid?” Sirius asks without looking as he rubs his head, “you—Remus?” It takes him a few seconds to process that the boy standing in front of him is not the sweet one from last night. He yelps and then holds out a hand defensively; he is ready for this.

“Exorciso te, omnis spiritus—”

“What are you doing?” Remus interrupts and Sirius almost flinches.

“It’s not working?” Sirius glares at the boy staring at him with his purple eyes. “Leave Remus right now, he doesn’t deserve this; he’s a nice guy. Find someone else to possess.” For a second Sirius thinks that it works but then Remus laughs too loudly and steps forward to enter Sirius' house, past the line of salt at his threshold. Unscathed!

“You’re not going to give up, are you?” Remus sighs and then holds up the thin book from Madame Trelawney. “Your boyfriend was up all night reading up on this. Go on, take a look.” Sirius opens his mouth to comment on the ‘boyfriend’ but seeing the words _‘Stellar possession (case study #1)’_ , reaches out and snatches the book.

“No way.” Sirius understands enough to know what the title is referring to. He reads every line— _Romulus Blanco’s is one of the rare cases where the human is under the influence of a star, usually one they are born under...the phenomenon is quite like the more commonly occurring demonic possession but so far the effects have not been disastrous…_ — while the other boy is fidgeting on the sofa opposite and humming a tune. There are pencilled ticks on the list of symptoms of such possession, and although rare, it doesn’t seem impossible. Sirius drops the book and he looks at the other boy who smiles at him in what is probably a gentle expression, but something is wrong with it, it’s as though he doesn’t know how to express his feelings.

“Are you okay?”

“I will be, I guess.” Sirius takes it in stride quite quickly. Seeing is believing, isn’t it? All that aside, he needs coffee and a cigarette; in that order. After that it’s surprisingly easy to talk to Remus who seems to be constantly chattering and answering all of Sirius' questions willingly.

“I’ve never been opposed to supernaturalism, I guess. I just needed something concrete, that’s all.” And it really is all Sirius needs to believe, this Remus—slash—Sirius star being in front of him although it is odd to see two such different personalities in one person. Unfortunately, the star-boy takes this as cue to make himself at home as he plops down on the sofa.

“Can I come here whenever Remus’ shift is over? But I’ll have to leave every night.” He informs Sirius matter-of-factly. 

“Why would you want to come here?” Sirius asks because really, so far he has just behaved like a typical teenager—moody, sullen and flirty.The other boy grins mischievously.

“Come on, I promise it will be fun.” And there’s the magic word and Sirius relents.

“Fine, just don’t make a mess of things here.”

“Okay,” the other boy agrees, “hey, Sirius, make me something to eat; Remus is hungry.” Sirius stares at him for a long moment and shakes his head; this is going to take time to get used to.

“You have to stop speaking like that, it’s confusing.” Remus seems to think on it for a bit and then makes a thumbs-up motion.

“Okay. I want to eat ice cream.”

“I can’t make ice cream,” Sirius informs the boy and then sighs irritably. “Why don’t I make you whatever I’ll have and you can watch TV in the meantime.” He turns the TV on and makes his way to the bathroom.

“Where are you going?” the star-boy asks curiously, “can I come with you?”

“No!” Sirius answers exasperatedly. 

That’s how Sirius finds himself in the company of a star-boy living in the body of Remus Lupin.

*

Remus feels his consciousness returning as the other entity departs from his body. It takes a few seconds for him to shake off the haze the experience leaves behind, and he realises that there are still two hours until his shift is over. He tries not to feel disappointed; he had really wanted to talk to Sirius again.

“—Remus. Remus? It’s definitely a new guy, isn’t it?” Lily Evans’s voice interrupts his thoughts and she looks angry enough for him to understand that she has been trying to get his attention for some time now. She blinks at him and frowns. “Your eyes…never mind. Who is it this time?” Remus blushes against his will.

“It’s not like that.” He resumes sweeping the floor behind the display case. “I’m not looking for a boyfriend so soon, what kind of a person do you think I am?”

“The kind who can’t keep his hands off every good-looking bloke he encounters.” It’s not really like that at all but he can’t help laughing and she smiles to ease the rebuke; they aren’t exactly friends yet but Remus can see them getting along well in the future. He likes her directness. 

“Well, as long as you don’t come on to me, it’s all good. By the way, how is your grandma doing?” Remus' hands tighten around the handle of the brush.

“She’s got a fever again today, I’ll have to buy her medicine on the way home.” Lily nods and they set off after saying their good-byes to Alice and Benjy taking over the night shift. They pass by Madame Trelawney’s shop but for the first time Remus actually spares it a long glance and thinks of Sirius again. It is a lot like being under a spell where Remus is constantly in and out of consciousness, the latter being the case for the most part but he can sometimes glimpse through the star’s thoughts and know exactly how Sirius looks when he laughs at someone who is not exactly Remus. Somewhere along the line Sirius has started getting along with the star within Remus; it’s a weird feeling.

_A truly out-of-body experience within one’s own body?_ Stranger than fiction, that’s his life, all right.

It isn’t that Remus believes everyone in the world is out to get him, but truly kind people are rare. Sirius happens to be one of them, Remus can feel it, the same sort of concern and soothing presence mum used to have and it entrances him to a point where he no longer wants to be okay with being alone.

_I’m not alone, I’ve got Gran._ He feels guilty and then pushes it away as he covers up any signs of distress on his face. Gran is lying on her bed, knitting despite Remus' constant warnings about her arthritis acting up when he reaches home to the smell of cooked dinner. She smiles at him and sets her unfinished project aside as Remus readies her wheelchair. Remus used to be constantly amazed by her strength at her age. She used to rebuke him for fussing over her but he refuses not to help her into her chair. She is the only connection to his parents left for him to treasure and cherish.

“A boy came looking for you today,” Gran tells Remus at dinner. “He came back to return some books of yours. Such a handsome boy; you’ve obviously inherited that charisma from our side.” Remus doesn’t begrudge his gran the entertainment she gets out of his ‘friendships’; he doesn’t tell her the truth.

Remus doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with his sleeping around; he just gives a helping hand to the boys who come on to him, quite literally. But trying to explain to Gran that his ‘friends’ are equivalent of what adults call ‘sex-buddies’ would no doubt be awkward. Very very awkward, indeed.

He just doesn’t know how to say ‘no’. Just like he won’t be saying _‘no’_ to Rosier when he meets him tonight at his flat; he did see the _‘Back home and parents are away for the week. Wanna come over?’_ on that green post-it stuck to the last page of _‘Peril at End House’_.

*

“Thank goodness, you’re laughing again; you really are better this way.”

Sirius has to agree, he hasn’t felt this good in ages. He begrudgingly admits that once Remus, the star-boy calms down he can actually be _nice_ and honestly, he is grateful beyond words for the constant company. It is almost like having James around. 

He’s known the energetic star for a mere span of six days but within that he has requested — _forced actually_ —Sirius to take him to an amusement park, all four ice cream parlours within their reach, throw eggs at unsuspecting cars while urging him to ride his bike faster and faster—although he complains about it never being fast enough—and talk about history and all that he knows about humans. It’s all pretty juvenile, but Sirius realises that he has never really done much of ‘normal’ activities; they were never up to his mother’s standards.

Then Regulus died and everything started falling apart.

Then he lost his only family that actually cared so wholeheartedly about what he wants and who he wants and things had never looked bleaker than a fortnight ago.

Then Remus came along and everything seems brighter, livelier; Sirius is starting to remember that he can make it through his uncle’s death. He isn’t alone, he’s never been alone.

“We take care of our own, Sirius; I couldn’t let you go on the way you were.” Remus had entwined their fingers with a smile that had caused his heart to strangely skip a beat—he has got better at showing expressions. His guardian angel…sort of.

Tonight is the first time the star meets him after sunset, so far Remus had always left for tutoring someone and Sirius B—it feels strange to think of him that way—has always left for the sky. “I want to show you something.” With that he drags Sirius to the clearing where they had first met and he talks about his ‘family’ and ‘friends’.

“Those are the nosy ones on Orion’s belt, can’t have a moment of peace with them around.” Sirius finally asks him what he has wanted to know since he found out the truth. Why him and not someone else? To which Remus just repeats his words.

“I told you, over the years we’ve become strangely attached to the humans who share our names. It’s not the first time, you know. Others like me are always helping out humans cope with things, it’s just that most of them don’t realise it or forget or don’t understand everything.” That makes sense to Sirius, in some haphazard way.

“Why did you choose Remus though, wouldn’t it make more sense to take my body?” Remus shakes his head at that.

“You needed someone, a companion.” He looks a little hesitant before answering slowly. “Remus was nearby, it was a coincidence, to be honest. Besides people like him are the easiest; they’re so focused on running away from their troubles that they don’t notice something is amiss until you’ve already taken them over.” He pauses to push away Sirius' hair and tuck it behind his ears which the tips of which blush at the contact. “Maybe I should stop, though., Remus is starting to get annoyed. He really wants to talk to you.” That surprises and warms Sirius a little, it’s not as if he’s known the other boy for more than a few hours.

“I like him but right now I want to talk to _you_. Don’t go.” He tells Remus and the star-boy looks stunned but smiles widely.

“I’ll be right here, I like it here.” He says almost to himself and Sirius wants to ask why he suddenly has that sombre expression. “I’ve become a bit impulsive lately, I think it’s because I’m nearing my time.” It takes a few seconds to understand what he means and for some reason Sirius' heart clenches in his chest at the thought of the star’s death. Remus seems to notice it though because he laughs. “Don’t worry about it, you won’t even be around to see that kind of thing.”

“That’s good,” Sirius replies meaningfully; he really wants the star to be by his side for as long as possible. Strange as it may be, being with the star makes him feel like he belongs somewhere, almost like family. It’s a warm feeling Sirius has missed.

Parting ways that night is quite hard, Sirius wants to ask Remus to stay over with him but the star-boy gives him a pitying glance and walks away towards the real Remus’ house. He doesn’t understand the look.

*

Remus has learnt little things about Sirius in their indirectly-shared days together—he likes sweets but doesn’t take sugar in his coffee or tea, he doesn’t particularly like chocolate, his right canine is sharp enough to draw blood when it catches on his own tongue, there is a little spot just at the corner of his lips.

It’s not just the physical attributes Remus has paid attention to; contrary to popular belief Remus is actually not shallow. Sirius is aiming to study law, he goes to Hogwarts Boys Boarding school in Scotland, his best friends are James and Pete, he ran away from home a year ago after his brother died, and that he often stares at Remus' face. Most of it are bits of information that sort of leaks out of the star inside him and Remus cannot help but collect them and store them away lovingly.

Remus hasn’t had a significant hatred for hospitals until today. He is better than this—this cranky, confused mess he has become. It’s really all that star’s fault; the whole possession experience tires him out beyond words. He needs to get a grip on himself, it’s _his_ body, damn it!

“Remus?” He is immediately out of his chair and kneeling beside his grandmother’s bed as she reaches out to pat his hair. “How long have you been here?”

“Not long.” He lies; she doesn’t need to know how frantic he has been the last ten hours, stiff-backed and dreaming horrible dreams. “How are you feeling?” Her grip doesn’t feel as strong as usual and it pierces through his heart again; what if something happens to her?

“I’m a tenacious old lady, boy; don’t you worry about me. What I need to know is what’s been going on with my only grandson.” Remus smiles at her words and squeezes her hand before taking his seat.

“It’s nothing, really—”

“Remus.” Just his name but it’s enough to silence him and he looks downwards. He doesn’t know how to explain his own muddled feelings; seeing Sirius every day for disjointed seconds and minutes makes him yearn for more. It’s the first time he _wants_ someone, wants to sit with him and touch his beautiful hair, wants to—he blushes when he hears Gran chuckling. “Has someone finally caught your eye? Is she in your class?”

“Not exactly.” Remus doesn’t have the heart to tell her the truth about how he is not really normal, is he? “But there’s someone else—” it hurts Remus to remember Sirius' face as he had looked at him but directed his words at someone who has no right to come here and wreak havoc with their lives, “—I can’t seem to get their attention.”

“Hmm,” Gran hums as her milky eyes stare at the ceiling, “you are young still, I’m sure you can do something outrageous to get all sorts of attention. Why, when your grandfather was younger than you, I remember him singing in that atrocious voice of his right beneath my window—” she takes a second to smile as if she can clearly see what she is telling, “—he was such an ordinary looking man, I probably would not have…” Remus has heard it before and he doesn’t mind listening to it again if it makes it easier for Gran to deal with her own losses. Although he doesn’t think Sirius will take to serenading well, and he really does have a dreadfully normal singing voice.

“I’ve got exams in a few months, it’s honestly best not to get distracted though, right?” When he voices that thought he doesn’t expect Gran to give him that intense look.

“Love doesn’t knock before coming in, Remus. You better remember that, wise words from an old woman.”

“Yes, yes.” Even as Remus goes along with her he decides that the next time his body is invaded by the star, he is going to give it a piece of his mind.

Rosier is three years older than him but he is so adventurous that Remus finds it hard to believe Rosier when he says that _‘Of course I don’t spend all my time philandering around, I actually do study, you know.’_. What kind of a twenty year old ties their partner up and knows just the right way to cant his hips so as to hit _that_ sweet spot every single time? Remus gives up thinking—he has to—when Rosier pulls him back against his chest and there is tension everywhere, taut ropes pulling his hands behind him as Rosier bites and then soothes his nipples with his tongue when Remus hisses in pain, all the while driving so deep inside Remus that he feels like he will snap.

He hadn’t been lying when he had teased Sirius about trying to find out if he is into slight bondage, Sirius is very attractive, after all. He closes his eyes and finds himself thinking of Sirius and it is so, _so_ good. He urges Rosier for more and the rope burns feel hot, painful, but he wants it all the same because when he thinks of Sirius, nothing matters except that Sirius be connected to him, inside him, over him, everywhere. He doesn’t hear his own words but he comes hard enough to feel his come on his chest, hot and wet. It must have been just as good for Rosier because he is grinning at him and asking when they can do this again before he has even untied Remus' hands.

Remus only hums, half-listening. He thinks he will have to refuse Rosier because for the first time, he wants someone enough to not let them go. He has never wanted to go up against someone—something—with every fibre of his being before but he will, if it means that Sirius will see him for who he really is.

*

“If you aren’t going to eat, you might as well not buy it in the first place,” Sirius tells Remus as they sit with the TV on but are too busy to watch it, a little irked as the star-boy discards the chocolate shell and digs out the tiny egg; Kinder Surprises end up putting a dent in Sirius' wallet when piled up and Remus buys a lot of them. A lot.

“I don’t like chocolate, it’s really the prize I’m after.” Remus pops open the plastic egg and lets out a whoop of happiness. “This really is one of the greatest pleasures of life, isn’t it? Humans sure like their surprises, I guess I can see why.” Sirius has only seen Regulus as a child being so overjoyed by chocolate eggs; Remus is so innocent. And that just heightens his cute factor that much. Sirius sighs and hugs the cushion tighter as the urge to tug Remus' overlong, messy hair and kiss him comes over him.

“I want to take a bath.” 

Sirius glares at him then. “Again?” 

Remus shrugs as he pulls the tee-shirt up over his head, oblivious to Sirius staring at his bare chest. “It’s a very enjoyable experience, I’d almost want to become human just for this.” 

Sirius raises an eyebrow as he finally tears his eyes away from Remus when he pops open the button of his jeans. “Is that even possible in real life?” 

Remus smirks at him. “Of course not. Don’t disturb me.” 

Sirius narrows his eyes at the nude retreating form; that star has absolutely no shame whatsoever. He exhales in relief when the door to the bathroom closes and he removes the cushion from his lap to glare at his crotch. _Behave, little Sirius._ But damn it! Isn’t it just a little too much to ask from a hot-blooded teenager to keep his hands to himself when faced with the object of his desires every-bloody-day? He should really be rewarded for his behaviour, a cookie will do just fine.

When Remus finally leaves with his customary hug after two and a half hours of having to sit beside a shirtless Remus and watch TV with water dripping onto the carpet, Sirius shuts the door and loosens the drawstring of his trousers. He doesn’t wait, can’t wait and sighs in relief when he takes hold of his cock and frees it from the confines of his trouser as he slides down the door, knees bent and spread wide.

If Sirius lets himself think about it, he probably will feel guilty about using an innocent boy like Remus' face for a wank but that wicked smile he gets when they accomplish something—fuck, those lips around his cock—is so good. Remus has somewhat large hands for his body and it is too easy to imagine Sirius' fingers as Remus' as it slides down his member and up again, sticky and slick with precome. _Remus, Remus, Remus._ It doesn’t take long for Sirius to come when he pushes his thumb against the soft head of his cock and again as he wraps both his hands around his shaft and tugs. He comes with a loud gasp in the confines of his hand as they trap the white evidence of his lewd thoughts.

*

Treacherous thoughts have been taking up residence in B’s head whenever inside Remus' body. If he could be an actual _he_ , if he could become human and stay here with Sirius, show the boy how much he is loved and so much more. It is really dangerous, this line of thinking.

B is lazy—in Sirius' words that is. It’s not actually like that, but moving around too much while inside a host disorients B, it’s not too fast for him but the human body can’t work fast enough so B prefers staying in Alphard’s flat or sitting or lying anywhere, as long as they don’t move around too much. The amusement park had been one of his worse experiences. However, Sirius doesn’t seem to mind it and ever since he has learned to taste things Sirius has been spoiling him. Like now, when he is busy preparing their cups of green tea.

_“Get out.”_ It comes suddenly like a spike through his—Remus'— brain. It can’t be…

“Remus?” B communicates, hoping he won’t receive an answer but the second time is just as painful, as if Remus is trying to push him out.

_“I want to talk to Sirius. I’m not going to let you use my body like this anymore. Go back where you came from.”_

“No.” B doesn’t realise that the word comes out of his—Remus'—mouth. “I’m not done yet.”

_“This isn’t where you belong. Leave my body. Leave Sirius, he doesn’t need something like you._

B feels the start of something new, something that churns his—Remus'—stomach and sickens his body, it makes him clench his teeth and a dark urge to _destroy_ Remus rises from somewhere within. For the first time B learns what jealousy is.

“No.” B overwhelms Remus' consciousness and the boy seems to fall back. The victorious feeling doesn’t last long as B finds his—Remus'—body keeling over and the body almost burning up. Sirius' shout reaches B’s ears just before Remus faints and B is instantly back home.

“What have you done?” That’s A. B watches Sirius as he shakes Remus' body, trying to wake him up and realises his mistake; he has stayed way over his time limit inside that fragile human body. “Don’t go back there, you hear me?”

“I have to,” B tells his companion and there is a sense of disappointment and worry around him. “I’m sorry, A. Sirius is precious.”

“He is precious to all of us, but so is Remus.” A seems desperate. “Have you forgotten, you are supposed to come back before you get too attached? You are going to end up hurt.”

“That’s alright,” B can sense the others getting agitated at this but he can’t seem to back away. “Another few years and I’ll be gone. I want to know everything.” B feels the others’ presence moving away as they return to their positions but he doesn’t dive back into Remus' body no matter how lonely it gets in the vast space among the billions like him.

*

Remus wakes up with the worst of headaches and a cool towel on his forehead. He opens his eyes and the first thing he feels is relief that he is in control of his own body and that he is somewhere soft. His eyes widen and his damn heart skips a beat when he hears his name. He knows that voice, has memorised every nuance and pitch of that voice and for the first time since his infatuation—love, a romantic part of him teases—he is aware and here in front of Sirius.

“Remus, are you alright? You fainted, gave me a scare. Your fever’s gone down though…” His voice trails away and he blinks. Remus smiles at him as he sits up; it is Sirius in the flesh.

“Thanks a lot, Sirius.” He gently holds on to the folded towel feeling strangely awkward but so very happy. “I’ve been trying to get in touch with you—”

“Where’s Remus?” What? Remus looks up at him from his place on the sofa. “Not you, Sirius B. Where is he?” This isn’t the reaction Remus had been expecting, it’s not encouraging at all.

“I _am_ the real Remus, you know. You helped me out before.”

“I know that. I need my Remus back, bring him back,” Sirius snaps at him and then looks ready to apologise but holds back.Realisation begins to settle down dreadfully in the pit of Remus' stomach.

“Sirius B is not Remus. I am Remus.” He doesn’t know why he feels the need to clarify but if Sirius doesn’t want to even give him a chance, what is he going to do? He has been hoping to pick up from thirteen days ago when they had exchanged numbers. “He went back.”

“No! Why would he go back without saying anything to me? He never does that.” Remus has never seen Sirius anything but happy these past few days, it’s awful to see the frown on his face. He doesn’t look angry, more confused as he asks,“Did you force him out?” Remus doesn’t make it a habit of lying and it’s just as well, he wouldn’t lie to Sirius even if he could. Sirius looks unsure.

“Why would you do that? Has Remus—tch—Sirius B ever caused you trouble? Why can’t you just let him be? He’ll probably leave you alone when I go back to school anyway.” Sirius seems troubled by his own words and kicks one of the fallen mugs on the carpeted floor. Remus doesn’t have much left anyway so he takes a gamble with his feelings, feelings that are still new and so so dear to him.

“I like you,” Remus says a little louder than a whisper and his hands tighten around his knees, “I really like you, I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s the first time I’ve wanted someone like this.” This is his only chance, Remus knows and he steels himself as he sits straight on the sofa to face Sirius who is looking down at him in shock. “Go out with me, Sirius.” Sirius finally seems to snap out of it as he steps back.

“Are you crazy? You—you can’t just _like_ me; you don’t even know me. Springing this on me suddenly and—” He seems lost for words and then rubs his face in frustration as Remus feels his hope dwindling, “Remus, we can’t talk about something like this now; I’m just going to mess things up right now.” Remus hears all that but what he gets is that Sirius is saying ‘no’.

Sirius has just rejected his confession.

“Remus, will you be okay?” Remus realises that he has somehow pushed himself and stepped out the main door. He looks back to see Sirius wearing a somewhat worried expression and can’t help the little clench his heart does; Sirius is so kind. He nods and takes the stairs, he doesn’t wait for the lift because he knows Sirius will keep his door open until Remus disappears from view.

How can he not love such a person?

*

Remus hasn’t come for three whole days and Sirius is confused, and honestly worried about the other boy—both of them. Now that he looks back on that night maybe he should have been gentle with the human Remus' confession. Thankfully his phone rings and when he picks up the sheer joy at hearing James’ voice is too much for Sirius’ legs and he slides down the wall to sit on the floor as he talks to his best friend about normal, simple things— _“Mum says she misses you.” “We adopted a dog, I think I’ll name it Sirius, haha.” etc. etc._ —and does not tell him about Remus.

It really turns out to be an alright day except that Sirius keeps looking around for Remus—his Remus—in their usual hangouts and is understandably disappointed when he finds neither hide nor hair of the boy. He takes the lift to his flat and can’t help cracking a wide smile when he sees a familiar figure sitting in front of his door.

“Remus!” The star-boy looks up at Sirius, fatigue evident in his features. Sirius doesn’t resist the urge to hug him, he rushes forward and holds the other boy tightly. “Where have you been? I’ve missed you so much.” The words are out before he can control himself but he doesn’t take them back and Remus flushes.

“I’ve missed you too, Sirius.” The redness of his face gives away everything and Sirius knows that his feelings are definitely not one-sided. The jolt of desire that goes through Sirius at that moment is too much, he can’t hold back anymore. He unlocks the door and pulls Remus in. _Kiss him, kiss him, take him now._ Sirius doesn’t doubt his inner voice and as soon as the door closes, he is upon Remus and cups his face, hands shaking as he brings their lips closer.

“Sirius?” Sirius stops and sees Remus watching him with wide eyes. “Are you trying to kiss me?”

“Yes,” Sirius answers immediately and pulls one hand away. “Do you not want me to?” Remus looks confused before answering.

“It’s not that I don’t want to—” He looks straight at Sirius, unaffected. “—I don’t understand it, I don’t understand what you’re feeling right now.” Sirius stares at him trying to make sense of his words and the heat of his desire diminishes little by little.

“What do you mean? Is it because you’ve never kissed before?” Remus affirms it with a nod.

“I don’t feel this, Sirius. I think you’d call it lust, it doesn’t seem to affect me.” That’s really absurd, it’s really just too much; Sirius is starting to feel like an idiot.

“Do you like me, Remus?” He has to know if he has misunderstood that _‘I’ve missed you too.’_ No one can fake feelings like that.

“Of course, I do,” Remus replies immediately with a genuine smile and then, “I love you, don’t you know that?”

Love, not like; love.

“Then why—” Sirius grabs him by the arm, “—why don’t you want to kiss me? Isn’t it normal for people who are in love to do that?” As he says this he realises that in some indirect way he is professing his…err—love?—feelings for the star-boy. An understanding look dawns on Remus and he tries to push away Sirius half-heartedly.

“Normal for humans, you mean. Sirius, do you even remember what I am?” Sirius affirms it vigorously, of course he knows but Remus seems almost angry. “Love isn’t all about being intimate. The way I love you doesn’t work like that.” It sounds like a lame excuse to Sirius, to be honest and he voices it as such. “You are so arrogant, Sirius, thinking that you know everything when you haven’t lived long enough.” He stops and Sirius stares at him before slackening his hold on Remus' arm but not letting go as the gears in his brain begin to work.

“Could it be that—” Sirius places a finger under the other’s chin and raises it to look up at him, “—you don’t know _how_ to show it, your feelings I mean?” The way Remus tries to look away confirms it and Sirius boldly steps closer and brings up his arms to encircle Remus gently. “Then let me teach you, Remus. You’ve learnt so much already, don’t you just have to experience it to understand it?”

“I—yeah—yeah, I guess that works.” 

That’s good. Sirius smiles as he places a kiss on the other’s cheek. Remus blinks, no problem; he hasn’t even started. Sirius runs his hands over Remus' shirt covering a slightly too-thin body before slipping a hand under his shirt, his heart in his mouth in anticipation and nervous excitement; he has been thinking about this moment until it drove him nuts and finally, finally it’s here. His hand shakes a little but Remus' calmness helps him to steady it as he continues pushing the shirt up revealing more of pale skin.

That bone at his hip—he wants to lick it. Up, his stomach—it doesn’t flutter like Sirius' does. Up, ribs sticking out, further up and there is his heart. Sirius leans in, his own heart threatening to burst out before it is a few seconds too long and he notices it—Remus' heart is beating steadily, normal…no, it’s even lower than that, almost like everything until now hasn’t affected him in the slightest when it has already rocked Sirius' world. He pulls away to see Remus looking down at him with clear eyes full of curiosity and it fills Sirius with cold dread.

“You really don’t feel it? Nothing at all?” Sirius has heard of it, the word being _asexual_ , but to see something like that personified, it slowly kills his enthusiasm and he backs away from the star-boy. This is so, so humiliating. He shakes off his parka and plops down onto one of the sofas. How can one person be so lucky and then so unlucky within the space of two minutes?

“Sirius, are you all right?” Remus takes a seat beside Sirius, keeping a little distance between them. “I actually came here to talk to you about something, but I don’t think right now is the time. Do you want to do something else?” Sirius doesn’t; he kind of just wants to go to bed and forget this whole ordeal. Maybe tomorrow he can—

Startled, Sirius looks at the hand tracing up his sleeve and then to see Remus — the real one, not his — with a look of unguarded desire. It happens so fast that Sirius doesn’t have the time to react as Remus tugs him by the sleeve and presses their lips together. Sirius' eyes widen when he realises that Remus' lips are moving against his and he isn’t amateurish at all, it reels him in with the way Remus cups the back of his head and doesn’t let him move away. He opens his mouth to protest and is assaulted by Remus' soft tongue as it pushes against his lips, so gentle and needy that Sirius just _can’t_ refuse the other boy and gives in.

This Remus really knows how to kiss, Sirius decides in some addled part of his brain as the other boy is somehow straddling him on the sofa and—fuck—Sirius ends up moaning into their kiss as his growing hardness rubs against Remus’. It’s too much, really too much; Sirius surely would have come if their trousers were not in the way. The way they are now, Remus doesn’t separate their lips even for a second and Sirius doesn’t try to as he pushes up and rubs against Remus for that amazing friction he has only fantasised about for many, many days now.

Sirius pulls away for breath, eyes closed as he kisses up Remus' jaw and nibbles on his earlobe that earns him a desperate sound of pleasure from the other boy and he can’t help exploring that body with his hand and when he finds it — that loudly beating heart — Sirius almost cries in relief. He yanks on Remus' hair to bare his throat and Sirius sucks on that Adam’s apple before traveling lower and kissing right where the thundering heartbeat is like a positive reply to his own.

“Sirius!” He doesn’t get a warning as Remus suddenly tightens his hands on Sirius’ shoulder and rubs his body frantically against Sirius’; making Sirius throw his head back against the backrest as his grip on Remus’ hips tighten, and he comes, calling out Remus’ name. It takes a minute of panting and heavy breathing for Sirius to come down from his high, as realisation hits him when he feels Remus’ fingers rubbing his cheek. Sirius pushes them away and averts his eyes; it is surprisingly hard to see that hurt expression on the same face that belongs to his Remus, too.

“Will you still not go out with me?” 

If Sirius had been a weaker person he might have said ‘yes’ to take away that expression which is a cross between hurt, hope and neutrality but he doesn’t and instead pushes him off easily; he is really very light.

“I can’t,” Sirius admits honestly, “it wouldn’t be fair to you, would it? I want someone else, I can’t take advantage of you just because you look alike.” He pauses and then changes the subject. “Why did he go away?” Sirius asks as he fishes out a cigarette from his pocket and lights it.

“I wanted to be here, with you.” They remain silent and Sirius takes long drags of his cigarette, hoping that his Remus will return soon because the situation is just too confusing for him when Remus starts talking. “I’m not going to just accept that, Sirius. You can’t kiss someone the way you just did unless you’re attracted to them even just a little.”

“That’s not—I’m not attracted to you!” Sirius blushes even as he denies Remus' claim. 

The other boy smiles slightly and opens his mouth to speak.“I—” Sirius sees Remus stiffen from the corner of his eyes and sure enough he has changed to the star-boy Sirius. “Ah, well, did you have fun?” 

Sirius laughs and pounces on the boy to hug him affectionately, relieved. “You didn’t have to leave for my sake, you know?” He doesn’t know why he feels a pang of momentary disappointment at Remus' departure; Remus' words are confusing.

The star-boy frowns a little at Sirius' words. “I didn’t leave, Remus' willpower at the moment was just too strong for me.” He looks strangely serious then, as if something of great importance is weighing down on him. Sirius reaches out to touch him and snatches his hand back before feeling his forehead.

“You’re burning up, Remus. Is your fever back?” The star-boy doesn’t say anything and instead bestows a quick hug on Sirius and just as quickly stands up to leave. “But, Remus—”

“I really do have to go now.” He leaves hastily and Sirius wishes the star-boy would talk to him about whatever it is that’s bothering him.

*

Remus wearily leans against the counter in the back room and closes his eyes against the burning sensation traveling through his body. It must be a side-effect of the Stellar possession. He’s been glimpsing little bits of the star’s thoughts whenever Sirius B is within his body and it seems like his death is approaching, or something just as ominous.

“Remus, what’s going on with you?” Alice’s worried voice hurts his hearing, everything hurts his body. God damn it, how can he be this weak? He manages a forced smile that looks more like a grimace.

“It’s nothing, really.” He should try visiting Madame Trelawney, maybe she will have some answers for him.

“It’s not nothing,” Lily cuts in and he is jarred by the sudden grip on his hair as Lily scrutinises his face. “You need to either see a doctor, or at least take a few days off. You don’t look good at all.” He pushes her away with much difficulty.

“Thanks a lot,” He says a little snidely but he can’t afford to take days off; Gran may be alright now but the bills aren’t going to pay themselves.

“We just don’t want you collapsing, mate,” Benjy chimes in softly and Remus doesn’t want their worry or their pity but before he can voice any of it, a spell of dizziness washes over him and when he comes to, it is in Benjy and Alice’s strong grip and three worried faces in his vision.

“Maybe you guys are right,” Remus relents as he sits on one of the squeaky, threadbare couch; he will take a day or two off, just enough to get his bearings.

*

_“Sirius seems less bright recently, could this mean that the degeneration of Sirius B, the dwarf star of the binary star Sirius—”_ Sirius switches off the TV and shakes his head at the person sitting beside him.

“They’ve already started noticing things, huh? You’re quite the celebrity.” Remus, or rather, Sirius B doesn’t respond to that with his usual laughter. Something is wrong with Remus, he is never this quiet when they are together. Sirius hasn’t tried to make a move on him again within the last three days Remus has skipped work and visited, looking worse for the wear every single time.

“Are you sleeping properly, Remus, I mean. Is he all right?” 

Remus looks at Sirius in a way that makes him look away. “Are you worried about him?” 

Sirius snaps his gaze at the boy who has him so confused as to what to do and stubs out his cigarette before replying. “You can’t really come here unless he is well, although, why can’t you just use a different body?” It has been bugging Sirius for some time now, as long as it’s Sirius B in there…so awkward to think that again. Maybe he should stick to Remus for now.

“I could, but I would have to look for someone this vulnerable. It can be anyone though—a girl, man, a married woman, someone’s grandmother—”

“I get it! I get it!” Sirius holds up his hand and runs a hand through his hair; it would be strange to talk to someone with a new face. Remus shivers slightly—that’s a first— and he decides to broach the subject after all. “Something is wrong, isn’t it? Tell me.” Remus doesn’t seem to hear him or ignores him but Sirius needs his answers now and he places a hand on the star-boy’s arm only to snatch it back. 

Remus' head whips around so fast that Sirius almost hears a snap. “Is it...show me your hand?” 

Sirius holds out his hand and just as Remus takes it, he cries out as if he has accidentally touched a hot stove. Remus pulls back and stares at his hand. “It’s started already.” What?

“What are you talking about, Remus? What has started?” 

The other boy leans away from Sirius with a tortured expression. 

"Remus, tell me, God damn it!” He lunges forward and grabs Remus by the arm just as Remus shouts ‘Sirius, stop!’ Sirius flinches as he releases Remus who immediately stands up and he looks down at his own hands.

The skin of his palms are reddened.

“Sirius, this is what I wanted to tell you the other night.” Remus looks so serious and otherworldly at that moment, illuminated by the star’s family and companions up in space. “I have to go back.”

“You always go back,” Sirius stalls; he understands the meaning behind Remus' words but he can’t, can’t let things end like this. Remus smiles at him sorrowfully.

“I can’t come back this time, I won’t. Let me finish, Sirius,” he adds when Sirius is about to interrupt. He ignores his hurting hands and gives his full attention to Remus. “There’s a limit to how much a human body can take and Remus is really close to it. If I don’t leave his body now…you understand, don’t you?”

“Is—is Remus going to die?” Remus—not Remus, _his_ Remus nods. “Can’t you come back for a short while—?”

“Sirius.” His name is like an admonishment and it silences Sirius. “Do you understand what you’re telling me to do? Do you want me to kill Remus, does he mean so little to you? You will leave one day, but I’ll have to live with the knowledge of guilt for millions of years to come, would you do that to me? Don’t you have even a modicum of care for me?” 

Sirius glares at Remus then. “You—do you have any idea how much I love you? You’re asking me to just let you go, Remus?” He stalks up to Remus and grabs him by the shoulder even as it burns the skin on his hand further. “Answer me, damn it!”

“Stay back, Sirius!” The other boy cries out. “It’s a defense mechanism to protect Remus’ body. I could damage his body beyond repair if I try and stop it.” He looks softly at Sirius before speaking. “I’m not Remus, that’s not my name.” The star-boy leans forward and presses an inexperienced, hesitant kiss on his forehead, shocking Sirius into letting go. “I’m Sirius B who has found a precious friend in you, and I’ll always be watching over you. Isn’t that enough?” 

Sirius wants to say so much, so many unsaid things and they all get stuck in his throat. Even so… “Don’t go,” he manages past the tears he hadn’t even known were running down his face. “Don’t leave me.” _I can’t go back to being alone again, please._

“Sirius, I have to—” Remus— _Sirius B_ — doesn’t get to finish as his body stiffens and he drops heavily on the carpeted floor, deathly pale and skin hot beyond anything Sirius has ever felt.

“Remus!” Sirius shakes the boy, shouts at him, and tries everything he can until he knows that it is beyond him now. He feels the weak pulse at his throat and guilt envelopes him at the knowledge that Remus is in this condition because of his selfishness. He wipes his face and hastens to the flat opposite to his.

*

It doesn’t take even an instant for Sirius B to be back in his usual place and he feels his partner’s presence almost overwhelming him, something like an embrace.

“B, you idiot. Why did you take so long to come back?” B wonders why A seems like it wants to burst into tears when he is the one in pain. Ah, goodness, it’s not a new sensation but it is so much more heightened now. He can see why the others steer clear of human emotions; too much of it and the only way they can cope with it is undergoing fusion and hastening their end.

“You’ve really angered someone though, I really hope we don’t have a fight on our hands,” A seems on edge and then there is an ominous presence reaching them from far. “The Capella stars,” A lets him know. They reach out to the Sirius stars, dissatisfaction evident in their entity.

“You’ve taken it too far, this game of match-making you’ve been playing with our Remus.” If Sirius B were to describe them, they are like a pair of women ganging up, but worse. Much, much worse.

“I won’t be going back again, Remus is safe now.” At least B hopes Remus is. He has managed to avoid feeling any guilt so far,but to know that he is responsible for the death of a sweet, lonely man like Remus would crush him before his time.

“For all of our sake, you hope he is,” the Capella stars respond, “we don’t like it when others play with our precious humans.” If B could nod, he would, but his intent is clear and they back away to watch over the humans born under them.

“I was worried for nothing, it seems,” A sounds comforting and the embracing feeling is surprising as it seems to surround B. “Don’t go away like that again. In fact, don’t leave for the next hundred millennia.”

“Th—that’s too long, A.”

“Don’t care.” A does something that feels like a nuzzle. “I can’t be the brightest star all on my own, I need you here to see all the Siriuses that will be born, B. With me.”

If stars could cry, then that is exactly what B would be doing now, a mix of happiness and grief. Their Sirius will find his own happy ending.

*

It’s not that Remus doesn’t know how to say ‘no’, it’s that he really, truly believes in karma. What goes around comes around, right? So if he never rejects anybody, isn’t it only natural to believe that maybe when it really matters, he won’t be rejected either. It hadn’t worked with Sirius; he just messed up everything Remus believes in.

Remus wakes up to blinding white surrounding him. A whiff of nicotine helps clear his senses and he turns his head on the pillow to see Sirius sitting on the black couch in the corner, legs propped up on the armrest with a newspaper in one hand and a pencil in another. Remus doesn’t make any noise and shifts slightly to look around. He has his own room? He coughs as the realisation of the dryness of his tongue and throat catch up to his brain.

“You’re awake?” Sirius sounds surprised and he is pushing a glass of water with a straw towards Remus that he will be eternally thankful for. “That’s good, I’ve got to call your grandmother—”

“Gran!” Remus ends up trying to exclaim but it comes out really hoarse and he has to sit up to end the fit of coughs. “How is she? What’s wrong with me? What happened—?” He stops as Sirius places a hand on his knee and he notices the bandages covering his hands.

“Calm down, Remus. Grandma Lupin is just fine, your friend Lily is taking care of her.”

“Lily is?” Remus is really surprised but he feels reassured, knowing that Lily is responsible enough. “How long have I been here?” Sirius drags an uncomfortable looking plastic chair and sits facing Remus.

“Almost three days now. You weren’t exactly in good condition, to be honest.” He turns away, looking for all the world as if he is the reason Remus is hurting from inside out and all over. “The doctors don’t understand what’s going on but since you’re awake, I guess that’s a good sign.” He gets up to press the button beside Remus' bed to call the doctor and Remus can’t help drinking in the sight of the dark-haired boy who somehow looks like a ruffian with the stubble covering his jaws and chin but in a way that would make half the boys in the country envious.

“What happened to your hand?” Sirius waves his hand dismissively in answer.

“Nothing much. What about you, you have a lot of questions, I’m guessing.” Remus notes the change of subject and lets it go.

“Last I remember, I was headed to your place.” A thought occurs to Remus then and he swallows. “Did you bring me here?” Sirius rubs a hand against his stubble, presumably unused to it being there.

“The lady from across my flat helped, she has a car so it was easier to get you here.” Remus doesn’t need the reasons; he’s heard enough.

“Thank you,” Remus breathes out, wondering if Sirius can see the love and longing in his eyes and doesn’t care if Sirius doesn’t want it. “I didn’t think you’d ever—” he doesn’t know how to continue so he finds one of Sirius' hands and brings it to his chapped lips. “You’re so kind, I didn’t think I’d ever meet someone like you again.” Sirius looks flustered at the display of affection so Remus lets go of his hand as the door slides open. The nurse shouts at Sirius' cigarette until he leaves and then begins fussing over Remus as Doctor Crouch arrives. Remus doesn’t mind staying for another day or two but the idea of being bed-ridden for that long makes him groan which the nurse ignores as she attaches his IV line again.

The door opens a few minutes after the nurse leaves and Remus turns with a smile thinking it is Sirius but his smile vanishes as a dark-haired boy, older than him enters with a small bouquet. Physically, Davey Gudgeon hasn’t changed much since the last time Remus saw him when they were breaking up.

“Hello there, Remus.” He takes the chair Sirius had occupied earlier. “I heard about you from your friend Lily. I saw her at the pastry shop and she recognised me.” He adds when Remus opens his mouth to ask. “So, when do you get to go home?”

“Tomorrow, maybe, at least I’ll try for tomorrow.” The silence is a little awkward now, but Remus feels a strange sense of gratitude and wonder that Davey is here, so he looks at the flowers instead. “Are those for me?” Davey lets out that small laugh Remus has always liked before setting the bouquet on the small table.

“It’s a little clichéd, but if anyone would actually like receiving flowers, I know it’s you. Do you like it?” The question sounds a little strained, nervous in fact, and Remus nods, with an honest smile. It is truly a relief to hear normal words and see the usual cheer on Davey’s face instead of the curses and disappointment that are stuck in Remus’ memory with the label ‘Davey Gudgeon’. He decides that he doesn’t want Davey to become another forgotten part of his past.

“How are things with Emma?” Remus doesn’t mean for it to sound nosy but Davey hesitates before answering.

“It’s good. She’s…really amazing, actually. I think I’d like to get serious with her.” 

Remus hums and smiles teasingly. “Serious like you and me?” He doesn’t expect the change that comes over Davey and he is thrown back to the day of their breakup as the other boy looks positively wounded. “Davey, sorry, that was—”

“I was serious about us, Remus. I didn’t even want to end things but you didn’t give me a choice, did you?” Anger and hurt war on Davey’s face, in a way that suggests Remus is at fault, that Remus is the reason they broke up.

“What are you talking about?” Remus asks with a heated glare of his own. “You decided you didn’t want to be with a guy anymore so of course it had to end, Davey. Don’t blame me for something that was out of our control.” He doesn’t understand the incredulous look Davey gives him before it morphs into that familiar disappointment that makes Remus feel two inches tall.

“Still? You’re still—you haven’t changed one bit, have you?” He clenches his hands into fists and releases a breath before continuing. “It’s this attitude of yours that made me break up with you, Remus. I didn’t need your body, I just needed to know that you cared.”

“I did care, Davey.” Remus answers immediately because he had. “I still do —”

“Stop it, Remus. Just stop.” Remus does and they look at each other, Remus trying to understand the reason for his anger and Davey looking for something that he doesn’t find. He shakes his head, eyes glistening. “It’s not your fault. You know what, let’s just forget all this, okay?”

“Davey —” Remus starts but the other interrupts.

“Okay?” He looks determined for something and Remus nods, only to receive a grimace of a smile from a boy who had meant a lot to him, like the others that had come before him. Davey leaves with a fist bump and a strange, sad smile that lets Remus know that they won’t be seeing each other again sometime soon. Remus lays down on the bed and closes his eyes, tired but not ready to sleep yet so he misses Sirius slipping back inside quietly.

“That was the ex, wasn’t it?” Remus is startled by Sirius' question and he tilts his head questioningly. “He got you flowers and he seems to really care about you; it’s not so hard to pick up on.” Really?

“Sirius, when I get out of here, will you go on a date with me?” What goes around comes around, right? Maybe it will work this time, Remus holds out a tiny glimmer of hope but it gets crushed when he sees Sirius look down at him with barely controlled anger.

“You can’t do that, Remus. You’re sick and vulnerable, are you trying to guilt-trip me here?” He runs a hand through his hair roughly as Remus moves his gaze downward at the onslaught of words. “Don’t make that face, Remus. You call me kind, keep telling me I’m kind so you’re going to use my feelings to get your way?” Remus stares at Sirius in shock and waits for Sirius to stop for breath.

“You are kind, Sirius,” Remus says earnestly, “the things you’ve done for me, no one else would do that for a stranger or someone they don’t care about.” _Not even family._

“You’re a right idiot, you know that, Remus? Tell me something, do you even know why your boyfriend broke up with you?” That makes Remus look up, frank surprise on his face.

“Davey? What does he have to do with it?” Sirius sighs heavily as he sits down and grabs Remus by the arms, as if trying to drill his words into Remus' head.

“Do you ever look at the people around you? You keep giving and giving so much to everyone, and everyone cares about you a lot. I’m not the only kind person here, Remus.” Remus feels something breaking and he loses his composure.

“No one cares, Sirius. No one cared, except my parents, but they’re gone.” Remus has never talked about the pain of abandonment, of rejection from relatives who should have been there for him, of his fear of losing Gran. And Sirius, the beautiful bastard, just couldn’t let him be. “They’ve been gone for years and all I have is Gran, I love her so much. And I love _you_ , Sirius, because you — no one’s like you. Nobody.” His voice falters and he looks away, doesn’t want Sirius to see him like this.

“Remus.” Sirius' voice is soft and Remus wants to tell him to go away, but also to stay, so he doesn’t speak. “Do you know that Alice, that other guy and Lily have been coming here and staying with you until the nurse kicks them out — well, not literally but they’re really protective of you, you know?” Remus hears it, he even understands it somewhat but it can’t be…he turns to look at Sirius.

“Why would they—”

“Because they care about you,” Sirius tells him in simple words, words that are so hard for Remus to believe that he wonders what the catch is. He doesn’t see Sirius' eyes soften. “But you know something, Davey is probably the kindest person you know; he came here for you, knowing that you probably don’t understand his feelings.”

“That’s—” Remus stops then as he thinks back on his life from five years ago after his parents died in that car crash and he wonders if all this time he has been the one isolating himself, pulling away from feelings of others, from their compassion. And always believing that he is the only one who cares, when he has been surrounded by people he can call friends for a long time now. Has he really been so blind to his own good fortunes?

“Sirius,” He calls out and reaches out to just feel Sirius and to his pleasant surprise finds the other meeting his fingers halfway. “I’ve really been an idiot. Thank you for being here. I meant it when I said that I—”

“Remus,” Sirius interrupts with a slight frown that looks ready to melt away any second and it does. “I think that’s enough confessions for one day, don’t you think?” Does that mean…

“Save it for someone else, someone you can honestly have feelings for and who can return them. It’s not me, Remus. I’m just as alone as you believe yourself to be, we’d just drag each other down.” Sirius doesn’t give him enough time as he leans in, kisses his cheek and waves at him from the doorway, before closing Remus off from the world, and Remus is left staring at the door.

*

Sirius will move out of this flat, he decides as he rests his elbows on the windowsill and blows puffs of smoke outside; he really doesn’t like the lingering smell of smoke inside his room but this flat doesn’t come with a balcony unfortunately.

It has been a week of a long-needed break from all the drama Sirius has gone through and honestly with time to himself, he has come to realise that the ache of missing his star is slowly fading into something wistful but good. He has finally told James about it once the bugger had invaded the flat, with Peter in tow, during one of his afternoon naps three days ago and hasn’t left his side since then. He is so very lucky to have a friend like him. It makes him realise that maybe Remus had been the way he had because he didn’t have a ‘James and Peter’ during his hardest times.

He hasn’t been in touch with Remus except the one message after he had been discharged from hospital. Sirius finds himself reading it over and over again.

He really misses the boy. He misses the feel of the rough hands against his, his stupid shaggy hair and his soft voice. Sirius doesn’t dare admit it to himself but maybe — just a little — he might be having feelings for the real Remus, but it’s not that big of a deal. Really.

“That’s your second pack already, mate. I’m not here as decoration, you can talk to me.” James nudges him aside with his pointy elbow until Sirius finishes the cigarette and moves aside. “Come on then, let’s have a manly heart-to-heart chat.” That makes Sirius snort in laughter and he ruffles James’ wild hair.

“You saying ‘heart-to-heart’ takes away whatever masculinity you thought you had.” James punches his arm hard enough that Sirius knows it will bruise later; his best friend is a degenerate ape. James doesn’t take his eyes off him and after a minute it becomes unnerving. “What?”

“Let’s go get a bite to eat,” James says in that deceptively normal tone that means he is up to something. James interrupts him before he can speak. “You can drive, for five minutes.” He throws a bunch of keys that Sirius catches deftly with a grin. Driving James’ car? Oh, God! Yes!

Sirius really doesn’t care _that_ much about Remus Lupin and he may have spent the better part of a week thinking about him but they have parted ways and Remus is a part of his past. So—

“What the hell are we doing here?” James, the conniving little bugger; Sirius should have known better than to hand over the car back to the four-eyed idiot who thinks he is _sooo_ clever.

“You’re a better human being with some sugar in your system, Black,” James says as he opens the door on his side. He ignores a fuming Sirius to survey the street they are on. The human heart is an annoying organ, Sirius decides as he gets out of the car and makes his way around to step on the threshold of _‘Sweetie Pie’_ , stomach fluttering and heartbeats too fast to be normal. James doesn’t warn him before he slings an arm over Sirius' shoulder and pushes the door open.

“Sirius! What a surprise, come on in,” Lily greets them and Sirius is a bit disappointed to see just her behind the display case. Did Remus stop working here or maybe he has a day off? He can’t help thinking that although he has been beside Remus for a month he doesn’t actually know anything about the real person behind Remus’ face. The myriad of questions popping up in Sirius' head halts as Remus emerges through a side door in casual clothes and James catches hold of his sleeve at the same time.

“I’ll get going then. One medium and—Sirius?” Remus hasn’t changed a lot but he definitely looks better than he had at the hospital and Sirius cannot keep his eyes from roving over him. Is that a hoop in the shell of his left ear? Sirius isn’t big on jewellery on men, but Remus makes it look terrific and he wants to touch it really badly, but why is Remus' face closing off like that? It clicks when he turns away towards Lily. “Call me if you guys need anything else.”

“Remus!” Sirius exclaims and shoves away James unceremoniously. “Uh, this is my best friend, James. James, this is—err, James?” His best friend is resolutely ignoring him and staring awe-struck at the red-head who is looking from one to the other, eyebrows raised high.

“Hello,” James directs at her breathlessly which leaves Sirius shocked at the turn of events; he hadn’t anticipated this. He hears a snigger and sees Remus and Lily exchange a look as they try to hide their apparent amusement. Lily returns his greeting and Sirius can swear that James’ ears are going to start steaming so he saves him.

“James, this is Lily, Remus’ friend.” He points towards Remus who raises a hand in greeting at James who finally takes his eyes off Lily and adjusts his glasses as he holds out a hand.

“The infamous Remus. So we finally meet.” Remus looks surprised and glances at Sirius as he shakes James’ hand. Sirius is going to _kill_ his best friend. “Don’t worry, it’s not like Sirius talks about you twenty-four seven or anything; we were just catching up and he just mentioned you, maybe like forty-eight times—” The bastard had been counting?

Forget killing, Sirius is going to knife the tosser’s car.

“Anyway,” Sirius interrupts and pushes James surreptitiously towards Lily, “why don’t you get something for Mrs. P?”

“Sirius.” James frowns at Sirius, unamused. “Mum is diabetic, you do remember, don’t you?” Err, that. Right. Remus, bless him decides to intrude.

“We do have a sugar-free, gluten-free selection. Lily can help you out.” James thaws at that and Sirius takes this opportunity to corner Remus; he is paying too much attention to James.

“Are you on break right now?” Remus is the designated delivery boy so it is only polite for Sirius to accompany him to get coffee and sandwiches. “Can Lily handle the shop alone?” he asks when they have set off.

“Benjy’s working the day shift now, so it’s all right.” Remus smiles at him uncertainly and Sirius returns it automatically. “So, how’s the hand?” It’s better now although it still hurts but the itching sensation beneath the bandage is a lot more annoying. Remus chuckles when he says that and it feels good to see the other boy somewhat carefree.

“How’s Mrs. Howell?” Sirius asks so that Remus keeps talking in that soft voice. Remus looks amused.

“You mean Gran? I’m betting she told you not to call her that, it makes her feel old.” She had told Sirius to call her ‘Gran’ the one time they had met but he just couldn’t do it. They share a laugh as Sirius admits it and it makes his insides feel all warm and fuzzy. He really wants to hold Remus' hand right now.

They reach the shop and Sirius stands behind Remus in line as they wait for their order.

“Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something,” Remus says suddenly, looking uncertain and a little embarrassed. Sirius knows that expression and is ready with a _‘yes’_ if Remus asks him out. Maybe he wants to interlock those fingers with his own or lick the hoop at the shell of his ear or just be on the receiving end of that glowing look he had reserved for Sirius before, whatever his reasons are, he wants to be with Remus. “Can we sit somewhere, I don’t want to do this here?” Okay. They find a table and Sirius sits, knees jiggling under the table in anticipation.

“I talked to Doctor Crouch and he told me that my cousin ‘Sirius Black’ stayed with me at the hospital.” Remus takes a deep breath and smiles at Sirius. “Thank you for that, I mean it. It's just that, I’m so grateful for it all, Sirius. I really wish I could repay you somehow. ” Sirius stares at him, stunned and a little embarrassed; Remus makes him feel ten feet tall.

“Hey, I’m glad if I can help out a friend in need,” he answers; he had just wanted Remus to get back on his feet as quickly as possible. “You don’t owe me anything, Remus. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Sirius,” Remus says steadily, “Friend to friend then, if you ever need anything, and I mean anything at all, please don’t hesitate to ask.” Remus has such a typical, middle-class stubbornness; it makes him a little embarrassed but he can’t help admiring him for it.

He waits for the confession that is probably coming now.

Any minute now.

“Okay, then. I’ll go check on our order.” Remus pushes his chair back without asking him out and Sirius feels the moment slipping and he does what he does best; act without thinking through. He reaches out and grabs Remus' wrist.

“Wait, Remus. You want to return the favour, right?” Call him selfish, but everything’s fair in love and war and all that tosh, right? Remus nods and Sirius' mouth goes dry; he has to do it now. “If that’s the case then maybe you could do something for me.”

“Of course.” Remus' answer is immediate and he sits back down, eyes open and bright. “Anything you want, Sirius.” Ah, come on now, how is he supposed to resist that? He doesn’t even as his stomach is in knots and he thinks that this is how Remus must have felt every single time and yet he had been brave enough to confess to Sirius over and over.

“Take me out on a date,” Sirius swallows, holding Remus' astonished gaze before nervousness kicks in and he rambles on, “a real date with flowers or whatever and a goodbye kiss, we could dance if you want, or watch _The Notebook_ —”

“Can we watch _Thor_?”

“Yes,” Sirius replies without pause.

“Okay.” It takes a second for that to sink in.

“Okay?” Sirius echoes as he sees Remus smiling. As in _‘okay, yes, I will go out with you, kiss you, hold hands with you, have mind-blowing sex of epic proportions in the shower and marry you one day okay?’_ Remus lets out a burst of laugh as Sirius is busy with his internal monologue.

“Yes, that kind of okay, Sirius,” Remus replies with a teasing smile. “We should probably wait for the marriage bit though, right?” Sirius' cheeks burn as he realises that his inner voice has betrayed him.

“So, yeah. We should fix a day for that,” Sirius says lamely and sighs at his ridiculousness. Remus pushes his chair back and Sirius joins him when they receive their package.

“Let’s go to the park,” Remus tells him as he shields his eyes from the sun and Sirius will go anywhere Remus wants to.

“But what about all this?” he holds up the coffees, no way would he have let Remus carry those, what if they burn his lovely hands? Remus' lips curl in a familiar motion and he shrugs.

“Benjy and Lily can bear bad coffee for one day. Come on.” Sirius falls into step beside and has to fight his inner voice telling him to take Remus' hand, as if it’s a date already. They find a half-broken bench that doesn’t look like it will fall apart any moment soon, so they sit closer than necessary, with their legs touching _accidentally_. “When does your school start?” Remus asks in between bites of his chicken sandwich.

“First of September,” Sirius replies and Remus hums. They talk about general things—“Does it snow a lot in Scotland?” “We’ve got a lake at Hogwarts, there’s an actual giant squid there.” “No way!” “Do you have to stay in school during Christmas?” “What are you studying now?” “What are you gonna do after your A-levels?” “How did you meet James?” “I have to introduce you to Pete, still,” etc. etc. Their conversation is cut by a shrill ring from Remus' phone and he grins as he answers it to hear Lily’s threats to both of their genitalia if they dare eat her lunch. Remus mouths ‘PMS’ and promises Lily that they are on their way right now.

“She’s a pro at cockblocking, just so you know. Let’s go before she bites off our heads.” This time when they start for _Sweetie Pie_ Sirius boldly slips his fingers between the spaces in Remus' hand even if the fit is a little tight for the bandage. It’s more than all right.

*

Sirius steps out of the train and is hugged by Mrs. Potter who has become shorter, or rather Sirius has grown taller, and she secures the scarf around his neck and prods him into promising to go to the Potter house _‘by tomorrow, young man.’_ James leaves with his parents, and Sirius ignores the pang in his heart as he hoists his suitcase to catch a taxi. There is a flurry of movement and Sirius falls backward on the busy platform.

“Ow!” That voice, Sirius knows it; it can’t be—“Uh, hey.” Sirius knows they probably look awkward like this but he cannot stop staring at the honey coloured eyes peeking out from under the beanie and Remus in all his bundled up glory. Phone-Remus is not the same as live-Remus and there are a million things on Sirius' mind but what come out is—

“Oh my God!” They fall into breathless laughter until someone snidely comments that they blocking the way. Sirius makes sure to glare at the walrus-like man as they stand up to leave. He feels Remus against his side and his blinding smile, a reflection of Remus' is back. “You came to pick me up?”

“Yeah,” Remus replies, “Gran’s threatened to lock me out if I let her ‘beautiful, little Sirius’ freeze outside on Christmas Eve.” Sirius bumps their shoulders.

“And here I thought you came because you couldn’t wait to grope me.” Remus smiles wickedly at him then and Sirius feels hot under his scarf; God, he has missed him so much.

“Don’t worry about it, there’s plenty more than that waiting for you.” Remus unlocks his grandmother’s sedan and loads Sirius' luggage. “Get in, it’s cold.” Sirius complies and turns the heater on once Remus inserts the key into the ignition and starts the car.

“Wait,” Sirius says and leans over to kiss Remus. He grins when he moves back to see the flush of colour on Remus' cheeks with satisfaction; Sirius has never been happier than he is right now.

They are not alone anymore.

~The End.~


End file.
